I'm going to jail i love you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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