Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this will be a night to untag.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
