so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
