had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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