Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
