My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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