hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
