I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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