Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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