i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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