I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize