You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
