..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
