I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
