i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
