The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
