dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
