Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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