I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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