The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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