do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
