You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
