wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
