I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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