just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
