I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
