it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
