I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
