I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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