I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize