I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize