He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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