i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
