You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
