I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
