meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize