when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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