I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
