our cab driver is having phone sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The uberlube is also flammable
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
