sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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