I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
