I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
