someone owes me an orgasm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
