i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
