Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
