she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
