Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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