Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
