is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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