I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
