I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
