OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
