I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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