I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
