Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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