Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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