Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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