You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
