porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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