Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize