omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
