Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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