Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
