so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
