Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
