I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
