Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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