that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
