So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
