She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
