I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
